I'm a psychologist who studies couples: Emotionally intelligent partners ask 1 question every morning—that most neglect
A "capacity check" might be the most thoughtful question to ask in the morning, says Mark Travers, a psychologist who studies relationships. How to do it right.
TL;DR
- A 'capacity check' is a morning question that asks about a partner's available energy or capacity for the day.
- Examples include rating energy on a number scale, asking about a 'light' or 'heavy' day, or using metaphors like 'fuel tank'.
- This question is more effective than 'How are you?' because it's easier to answer honestly and quickly.
- Understanding a partner's capacity helps prevent misattributing their behavior and avoids unnecessary conflicts.
- An emotionally intelligent partner performs a capacity check by going first, accepting low answers at face value, and acting on the information.
- This ritual signals emotional intelligence by proactively gathering information to make the partner's day easier.